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Grandma left us at 9:40 this morning. Today was my big event at work. My dad called me as I was scrambling with last minute prep. Somehow I pulled my shit together and carried off a killer event, sat through dinner without crying and impressed the living shit out of some really amazing business women. (I’m extrapolating that last point.)

Now, we drink. Tomorrow, we drink coffee and love on the family.

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Someone’s alarm clock is going off.

A fire engine is speeding by.

The (might I add only) smoke detector (in the hallway and we have 12-ft ceilings) is chirping because the battery is low.

My neighbor’s dogs are barking and howling back and forth at each other.

People are screaming at each other in the back alleyway.

…so basically I’m losing my mind.

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allefory replied to your post:A moment.
<3 I’m so sorry for what your family is going through… wow, but I’m glad you got to share that moment with her. it will always be treasured and I’m sure you made things bearable for her.

Thanks, Fio. *hugs* I don’t know why, but like I said, it means so much to me. Thank you. I know she knows how loved she is- I am thankful that in our family, it’s well known how we feel about each other.

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Today my father called me around 1:30 pm to let me know that Grandma seemed to be in decline and that he knew I wanted to come visit today.

I got up there around 2:15 and stayed for about 4 hours. She was asleep the whole time, nobody could get her to stay awake very long and she wouldn’t open her eyes even when she was awake. When I was getting ready to leave, I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, and said I love you, grandma and she opened her eyes and looked at me and smiled.

She looked around and said “everyone’s here!” And smiled again- literally the only words she has uttered the entire day. I gave her another hug and she opened her eyes again and smiled at me. I just said “I love you so much!”

My uncle was crying and he said “that was really incredible.” One of my cousins said “Wow, Jen has the magic touch!” I don’t know why she responded to me and not one of the others, but I am tucking that moment away, close to my heart, no matter what happens.

Photo Set

uninhabited-paradise:

Neil Patrick Harris - The OUT List [x]

This man is a national treasure.

(via dictiosus)

Source: uninhabited-paradise
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Apparently chili smell gives you weird dreams. I dreamt I was sleeping in my car in a parking lot and when I woke up a woman was watching me from her balcony. And another dream that I am not particularly comfortable sharing, but it was weird.

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I’m probably not going to be able to fall back asleep. I have to be up in 2 hrs anyway. My call is 4 hrs from now.

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  • Question: Hey! What are you doing up so late??? It's time to sleep not look at us losers and delinquents on tumblr =) - mttnc
  • Answer:

    I know. Hahah not that you’re a loser or a delinquent. I literally woke up because the freaking chili smell is so strong. I’m gonna smell like chili. Oh god. *cries*

    The struggle is so real.

5am

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I woke up like “The Living Cloth!” and then “It smells like chili in here!”

Literally was dreaming about the program for Tuesday’s event. The chili smell is overpowering in here so I felt compelled to go check on it.

I am like a constant pile of fuck-up right now. I put too much extra water in to compensate for the fact that the chili would be simmering over night. It’s like vaguely chili-flavored soup.

I threw in some more tomato paste, some more onion and a ton more chili powder. They’ll at least have cheese. It’s probably not as bad as I think, I’m a perfectionist.

Or I’m a giant disaster. Jury’s still out.

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Seriously. I got in bed with pieces of rice stuck to me. Seriously.